My audition for Melodystuck! :) It’s a bit imperfect, but I don’t really want to tinker around with this anymore.

(btw I love Jane it hurt to insult her like that D: )

(also, “ne” is a gender neutral pronoun)

HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION
The only way to get what you want is to play the game.

JANE 
You mean SBURB?  You’d do that?

HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION 
My dear, sweet child. That’s what I do. It’s what I live for. 
To help unfortunate humans like yourself. 
Poor souls with no one else to turn to.

I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty
They weren’t kidding when they called me, batter witch
But you’ll find that nowadays
I’ve mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
To this
And I fortunately know a little magic
It’s a talent that I always have possessed
And dear Janey, please don’t laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longs to meet her mother
That one wants to see his bro
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my fleet
Crying, “Condescension, please!”
And I help them!
Yes I do

Now it’s happened once or twice
Someone couldn’t pay the price
And I’m afraid I had to cull ‘em ‘cross the shoals
Yes I’ve had the odd complaint
But on the whole I’ve been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

Have we got a deal?

JANE 
If I play the game, will I get to see Jake?

HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION 
Oh you’ll have your man, heh heh. It’ll be a pretty heated meeting, don’t worry.. 
Oh, and there is one more thing. 
We haven’t discussed the subject of payment.

JANE 
But I don’t have-

HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION 
I’m not asking much, just a token really, a trifle! 
What I want from you is - your life.

JANE
My life?!  But if I’m dead, how can I-

HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION 
Well you’re the maid, of life you see,
So don’t underestimate the importance of your dreamself, ha!

Choose fast before the prince steals your Jakey
Since he thinks that you, my sweet, are such a bore
See on Earth it’s not preferred for humans to stammer and defer
And after all dear, what’s an extra life for?
Come on, he’s not all that impressed with your figure
True gentlemen avoid yours when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a human who is strong
It’s ne who plays the game who gets the man


Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I’m a very busy woman and I haven’t got all day
It won’t cost much
Just one life!
You poor unfortunate soul
It’s sad but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
You’ve got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And just listen to the troll
Dualscar, highblood, now I’ve got her, boys
Condesce is on a roll!
This poor unfortunate soul!